Whether your school is already out for the summer and you’re in relaxation mode or you’re heading into the final few days, I have a feeling you’re ready for some comic relief. I love to read the funny things that kids say and do. Here are some of my favorites from this page of hilarious kid stories I’ve compiled over the years along with some pictures of funny things teachers have encountered when grading student work:
At the school where I taught previously, students would line up on the blacktop before the morning bell. I would pick them up and we would walk together to the classroom. There was, of course, a no-talking rule in the hallway and I would often tell them, “If it doesn’t involve fire, blood, or throwing up, save it until we get to the classroom.” Well, one morning “M” kept saying, “Mrs. T, Mrs. T, I have to tell you something. I asked, “Does it involve, blood, fire, or throwing up?” “No”, he replied. But he kept saying, “Mrs. T, Mrs. T”. Finally, exasperated, I turn to him and ask gruffly, “WHAT?” He says, “I saw a pirate movie.” There’s a moment of silence as I stand and stare at him. And, with perfect comedic timing, he says, “It was rated RRRRR!”
This is my favorite kindergarten moment ever. A child was upset because her cat had died. I told her how sorry I was, and went on to tell her that I used to have a cat, and was sad when I had to find a home for her because my husband was allergic to cats. She looked at me in shock and questioned, “You’re married?’ When I replied that I was indeed married, she continued…”I know what you did on your wedding day.” I was afraid to ask, but went ahead. She replied, “You ate cake!”
One day it was getting close to recess and I had a few kids off task. I reminded them that before we could go outside there were certain things that needed to be done and, just for emphasis, I held up my plan book and pointed to the day’s agenda. One little boy’s eyes widened in surprise and he blurted out, “Omigod! You mean you write this stuff down?!”
One moment happened several years ago when I taught grade one. Each primary class had received one of those colorful carpets with the seven continents on it. Well, day 2 of having this carpet, Andre got very sick, and threw up. When his dad came to take him home, Andre proudly says, “Daddy, I threw up all over North America AND South America!”
I teach kindergarten and when I was urging a student to get down to work, he looked up and me and said, “You do know that I didn’t sign up for this. My dad did it.”
Please share your funniest stories in the comments here or on Facebook!
1. Edgar Montoya (ESL & Spanish Teacher)
I asked a young Japanese man in one of my classes, a college graduate, what he had majored in. He was a very low-level English student. He simply said to me, “Finish.” I replied, “I know you finished. What was your MAJOR?” He replied once again, “Finish.” I tried a third time. “Yes, I know you graduated from college. I understand that you are done with college. What did you STUDY when you WERE in college?!” Now he shouts at me, “FINISH!” Then it hits me. “Ohhhhhh, you mean your major was FINNISH, the language of Finland!?” He nodded yes. We both got a good chuckle out of that one. I had and still have never heard of anyone else to this day who majored in Finnish!
2. Paul Pyrce (Former EFL Teacher)
“I had a large intermediate class and someone at the far end of the room asked me if I could speak higher. I said ‘Yes, OK’ in a very high-pitched voice. It took another 10 minutes before they, or I could do anything other than laugh!!”
3. Bee Bee Sng (Associate Lecturer)
One of my Chinese students wrote in her essay that she likes eating snakes. Since I know snake is a delicacy in Chinese cuisine, I asked her if that was really what she meant. She nodded her head and said “yes”. I drew a snake on a paper and asked her “snake?” She looked puzzled and shook her head. Finally, I wrote in the paper and asked her “Snack?” She nodded her head in agreement. I supposed she also pronounced both words “snack” and “snake” in the same way.
4. B.R. (ESL Teacher)
Student: “What is a potato clock?”
Me: “Umm, I really don’t know … I’ve never heard of potato clocks.”
Student: “Well, my roommate needs one.”
Me: “Really? What for?”
Student: I don’t know, but last night he said, “I’d better get to bed. I’ve got to get up at eight o’clock tomorrow.” (…a potato clock …)
5. J. B. (Director of Studies)
During my class with adult students, we were discussing about hobbies and interests using a third person point of view. One student wanted to talk about his son’s interest in ball sports. He said, “My son likes playing with his balls.” It wasn’t easy holding my laughter.
6. Jude (ESL Teacher)
I had a class of 3-year old kids who were in school for the first time. It was just the second day of class. One student (a girl), was playing with her shoes, so in order to get her attention, I knocked on the floor. She responded… “Do you want to build a snowman?”
7. Lisa Attias (Cross-cultural communications and freelance writer.)
I taught English in the Middle East to a class of 10-year olds. One day, I was telling them a story about a little boy called Peter, who lived on a farm, helped his parents on the farm when he came back from school etc. The whole class fell about laughing. It took me some time to realize that they thought it hysterically funny that I was telling a story about a young kid called ‘Pitta’ (bread).
8. Cici Tang (IELTS Teacher)
Once, my student asked me to help correct his IELTS writing. He wrote “This raises pubic attention.” I knew he meant PUBLIC attention. A lot of students also wrongly said hand job when they wanted to say something is handmade.
9. Alice C. (ESL Teacher)
Me: What do you like to do?
Student: I like to ride a whore.
Me: Do you mean horse?
Student: Yes! Whore!
One afternoon, after explaining all about taste buds, and sweet, sour, salty, bitter, I asked if anyone could offer some things our taste buds sense. The reply was, “Bud Light, Bud Draft, Bud Dry and Bud Extra.”
We all have experienced something funny while teaching. Surely, there are a lot of teachers out there who have a good sense of humor. Feel free to share your stories and share the laughter with others.
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