I'm looking for constructive comments and criticism regarding my Argumentative Essay.
-Prompt: "Does Technology Make Us More Alone or More Connected to the World?"
Today's social media provides world-wide connectivity at all times. Sites, such as Facebook, keep us in touch with those we cannot be with often or at all. No matter how you slice your cake, you can always connect with anyone else that is online. Whether they are next-door or in a different country, you can easily contact anyone you'd like to. I am never alone when I'm online.
Technology is a hub of information and ideas. The television informs the viewers of both important and relative current events while also being a great source of entertainment, and the internet is by far the biggest source to find anything you would ever want to know. The web is where mostly all ideas are publicly posted for viewing. I have always believed that an ignorant person does not know what to believe or how to think for themselves. In this day and age, one has vast amounts of ideas to evaluate and chose from to influence their beliefs and life choices.
Hobbies and interests are a click away. Social media can suit your own personal tastes. Any hobbies you have, you can discuss. Any interests you wish to pursue, you can learn about. Even the most obscure topics are covered on some deep corner of the web. There are tons of people out there who love the same things as you and many people who are completely open to conversation. I can count the amount of offline friends I share my interests with on one hand, but I see thousands of people online daily that share my opinions.
Social media is the gateway of confidence for shy and lonely individuals. You choose how to present yourself when you are online, and you are able to express yourself freely. If you are lacking the social skills for a face-to-face conversation, then you could try to start relationships online. Taking refuge behind a screen with time to revise messages could really help you clear your head and piece together a great conversation. Facebook has greatly improved my own social skills, and I would be far more alone now if it wasn't for it.
Many are under the impression that today's technology is degrading social skills. While their impression is not completely unjustified, there are a few flaws in their argument. Firstly, social media does not replace face-to-face interaction time, it is merely a supplement. Regardless, you are still communicating with another person. Secondly, deep relationships can be made through a screen just as well as in person. Deeper connections could possibly be made when the keyboard provides no shame in admitting your deepest secrets. Lastly, if you value your online connections greater than the real world, then it is your choice where you want to spend your time building relationships. It's not a waste of time. You aren't alone or anti-social. You are connected to a different world entirely. I know I'll be living and working with the internet and the people using it most of my life, and I am happy to say I won't be alone.
I like to start each paragraph with a separate hook and tie in my own personal opinion at the end.
Hope you enjoy the essay as is. If you could provide additional comments, then that would be much appreciated.
Feel free to share your own opinions on the subject as well.
Michael, the topic of your essay is interesting to be discussed. The technology is, in fact, a two-edged sword with both the advantages and disadvantages. It depends on the people who utilize it, but I do hope that they will use it for good. It goes the same to the use of technology. I am agree with your opinion that technology is not turning people to anti-social.
Move to the content of your essay, the idea of giving the hook separately needs to be improved. A good essay is not only a matter of drawing readers' interest, but also how to unite all ideas into one solid writing. I see that you have strong, clear, and understandable arguments regarding the issue. However, these arguments are standalone, it has to be linked together to improve your essay. Therefore, I suggest you to incorporate some transitional phrases as a link from one idea to another, specifically connecting each paragraph. I am sure that the appropriate use of transition signals will not distract the content in your writing.
Hope these help you in revising the essay further. Keep writing! Best regards.
Hi Michael, well, you hoped that your readers enjoy reading the essay and I must say, I did enjoy reading it, I was fascinated with how you manage to input different techniques to capture your readers attention.
Pretty much, you practiced the art of forming a "what's next?", sort of question in every paragraph that you create in your essay.
As argumentative as you would like your essay to be, I would like to say, you made your point known to your readers and you manage to entertain as well as educate your readers as to what social media and technology in general can do to our lives.
There you have it Michael, I hope my insights helped and encourage you to keep writing and be enthusiastic in creating well- worth- a- read essays. Keep writing.
I don’t really consider myself old — sure, I was born in the '90s and I’m not exactly a true millennial but I wouldn’t say I’m ready to graze the pastures just yet. Still, a part of me feels like an old woman every time I see some toddler tugging around a tablet they can barely grasp with their chubby little fingers or an eight-year-old scanning Facebook.
Cellphones had been around for a while before I received my first; of course, they were still relatively new and it wasn’t like today when people have given up keeping landlines because the cell phone is king. But by the time I reached middle school, I remember seeing girls in my class sashaying around with their hot pink cells–it’s funny to think how flip phones and giant keypads were the elite of cell phone fashions in that time.
My parents didn’t believe in spoiling young girls with phones though (they didn’t believe in spoiling young boys either but there were no young boys to worry about then) –- in fact, they were opposed to the idea of spoiling children with most newfangled forms of technology.
My first phone was –- I kid you not –- my birthday gift from my parents on my sweet 16. Yes, I did not have a cell phone until I was halfway through my teens, and even then my parents were cautious with how much data I was allowed, the sort of apps I could download, etc. Their overprotectiveness aside, if getting my cell so late taught me anything, it’s that life is possible for children without cellphones.
My eight-year-old brother came home from school one day, fixated on getting a cell phone. When we tried to figure out what freak had seized him all of a sudden, we learned that every other kid in his class had a cell phone — some even had two (I suppose the parents were determined that he should break one of them). And my parents said no, of course — not because they didn’t trust my brother or because cell phones are expensive but because what exactly does an eight-year-old need a cell phone for?
And then we have the nerve to complain about social media obsessions and cyberbullying and cellphone addictions and scream at kids when they spend family dinner time in a one-on-one relationship with their cell phones.
You could argue that they could play games but what in the world are laptops and tablets and the Internet and the numerous video game consoles that companies ‘upgrade’ each year supposed to be for? I hope their parents aren’t submitting to some whim of instant gratification, so a car is probably out of the question which makes a navigation system rather pointless.
You could also say they might want to talk to a friend and I’d reply that there likely isn’t a shortage of phones in the world to carry on the sort of conversation that an eight-year-old might need to have.
In truth, you could argue and argue and argue and maybe you believe seeing eight-year-olds walk around with flaunting a cellphone (or two) is the most normal and even desirable sight in the world. But I won’t mind being called old-school when I say that my brother will at least be waiting a few years before he gets his hands on a phone and I don’t think that decision could be improved.
Until then, I’m sure everything else our age of technology has blessed him with should be enough to keep him occupied and satisfied because when it comes down to it, to those basic economic principles we learn at that age — a cell phone is definitely a want, not a need.